Archive | September, 2013

Cat Food

24 Sep


Texas 31, Kansas State 21

Sept. 21, 2013 • DKR

The last time we beat K State, we barely knew who this V. Young guy was, and Colt McCoy was still at Jim Ned High School. Even if our scouts had their eyes on Colt, we certainly weren’t watching YouTube videos of the young whippersnapper because YouTube didn’t even exist back then! Yes, our last victory over the Wildcats was waaaaaay back in 2003.

Fast forward to 2013, and we Longhorns already had two miserable losses in this young season and were out of the rankings. One coach was already fired, and another was on the chopping block. “Saban 2014” T-shirts were for sale around town.

It looked like we’d be ’Cat food, for sure.

For past games against the Wildcats, we’ve spelled Texas using Kit Kat bars. But you know, a five-game losing streak against these guys is a pretty good sign it’s time to try something different. That led to the cat food idea. I considered borrowing a handful of Friskies from home, but—EW!—that stuff smells SO bad! Instead, we used a different kind of cat food: FISH! Don’t all cats love fish?

Maybe, maybe not. But my kids love the sweet, gummy Swedish Fish candy, which means the prop could double as a tailgate treat. And surprise, surprise, the game turned out to be quite the treat, too.

Johnathan WithAnH Gray had a breakout game (141 yards, two TDs), David Ash had a GORGEOUS 63-yard touchdown pass to Kendall Sanders, and our defense looked like a real D. It. Was. Glorious. Colt’s younger brother, Case, came in for Ash in the second  half and didn’t miss a beat. Some really awful calls late in the game led to a fourth quarter Wildcat TD, pulling KSU to within 10, but two late fumble recoveries preserved the win (and saved us from our first 1-3 start since the 1950s).

This season may turn out to be as hard on us fans as gummy fish are on our teeth, but this win was good for the sole. We might have looked like we’d be cat food, but thank cod, the ’Cats are the ones who got schooled. For reel.

(I confess: I’m gillty of using fish puns—just for the halibut. Did you catch them all? Let minnow.)

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Another (not so) Fine Mess

16 Sep

TEXAS_olemiss13Ole Miss 44, Texas 23

Sept. 14, 2013 • DKR

Last year our Mississippi Mud turned into a Mississippi mess. But hey! We won! This year, the dessert held up better, but our team fell apart like wet silt in the delta.

Here’s another fine mess, all right.

We fell behind early but then came to life, showing flashes of offensive prowess and some of the ol’ stonewall D. We had a slim lead heading into the locker room at halftime, but in the 3rd, gave up 20 unanswered points. The stands emptied, as did our hopes that firing our defensive coordinator would change things. Blech.

Still, the day was not a total loss. We had a HUGE tailgate with great food, some fun game-watching and plenty of Longhorn fans, not to mention a gaggle of friendly hoity toity Hotty Toddy types. (A couple of our Ole Miss visitors had hosted some of our Texas crew in the Grove last year. It was good to visit with them!)

Some highlights:

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This Is the Place(mat)

8 Sep


Brigham Young 40, Texas 21

Sept. 7, 2013 • Provo, Utah

When our Horns played BYU in 2011, we used Honeycombs cereal in honor of the State of Deseret. This time around, our spelling is in tribute to Brigham Young’s famous “This is the place” line. (He most likely said, “This is the right place,” but “This is the place” is the name given to monuments and heritage parks, so who am I to bicker?)*

And you know, Brigham Young was right. Utah IS the place. It’s the place where our season went completely off the rails, just two weeks in. It’s the place where our defense gave up the most rushing yards EVER. It’s the place where any remaining faith I had in our defensive coordinator evaporated as quickly as that massive storm rolled across the Wasatch mountains pregame.


ChaCha agrees: This IS the place…for a nap.

I swear. This game was as lame as spelling with stupid placemats! From Daje’s injury to the awful penalties, this is one outing I’ll be happy to forget.

So on to Ole Miss! I’ll be there in DKR, screaming my head off. Regardless of our record or any game’s outcome, that stadium is MY place, and I’ll be there from “Eyes” to “Eyes” to cheer for my guys. Hook ’em.

*With the honeybee thing and the Brigham Young quote covered, I have now exhausted my Utah/LDS church history ken. You’re welcome.

Hatching a New Season

2 Sep


Texas 56, New Mexico State 7

Aug. 31, 2013 • DKR

Horns vs. Aggies for the season opener? Yes, but not THOSE aggies. While our former conference rivals were busy trying to pry the Sharpie out of their quarterback’s hand, we were facing the Aggies from New Mexico State. So what could we use to represent our neighbors to the west? Hatch green chiles, of course!

Hatch season at HEB

Hatch season at HEB

Tex-Mex lovers know that this is Hatch chile season. From grocery store produce bins to Chuy’s annual green chile fest, it’s hard to miss the plethora of peppers  shipped our way each summer.

Just 40 miles southeast of Hatch, New Mexico, is Las Cruces, home to New Mexico State. Much like their state’s big export, these guys arrived fresh and spicy! Late in the first half, the Aggies were holding on to a 7-0 lead and our Horns’ #15 ranking seemed exceptionally generous. Our D was reverting to its lackluster 2012 form, and the offense was deja-vuing all over the place (e.g., throwing for 10 on 3rd and 12).

Then came the 56 unanswered points, the school-record 715 total yards on offense, our first glimpse of a certain Mr. Overstreet, and repeated LHB performances of “Taps in One.”

This isn’t the first time our guys have struggled early against an “easy” opponent. This was, however, the first time in a decade that we were watching it all unfold without our Section 1 buddies backing us up. Six of our friends and tailgating buddies did not renew their season tickets, so our hearty band is dwindling. We missed them terribly, but we’ll still be high-fiving them virtually. Regardless, I’m not planning on going anywhere. When one of our remaining seatmates told me to let him know if I ever decided to drop my tickets, I told him someone else would have to message him—after my funeral!

So here are a few scenes from our extra hot tailgate and the game, complete with a special appearance by the Longhorn Alumni Band and a much-loved corny dog!